Saying “No Thanks” to a request for a Christmas Donation

This seems to be the season for greed. I asked my supporters for a Christmas donation. I told them it can be any donation they can make that they are comfortable giving.. One, who makes about 100k per episode, writing hit sitcoms, said to my compassionate request a curt “ no thanks.” Apparently his Harvard degree did not teach him breeding. when I further explained that U thought he lived inside a 1 percent sitcom bubble. explainede where jjokes and one liners do not always trump compassion. that I thought his response was flippant. . I further explained that if he saw a person on the street who needed his help,would that be a response? He failed to see that they would be asking for and needing his help, He remained completely confused. I told him I thought he lived in a wisecracking 1 percent sitcom bubble. He remains confused c. Dear God is it me?? Does wisecracking trump compassion or are curt responses acceptable now to heartfelt requests? It is okay to say no but is being funny always the goal? Is it me? I do not expect an instant yes but how about some compassion mixed in with a no ? Are we condoning a generation of wise ass tv writers?

I hate Christmas

I may be the only one who cannot stand Christmas. All the hoopla and family events with tree trimmings and presents. I hate everything about it and I have my whole life. I want peace, solitude, reflection and quiet The stuff all goes in a fireman’s truck one day. Save your money. Just tell someone you love them and buy them something meaningful that they don’t have to schlep around from house to garbage

My ocean Live Stream

Tonight I had a front row seat to a 360 degree ocean view with strong white crashing waves here in my mother’s home, close to the ocean where I always go. It usually shows on my live stream but very rarely is it this noticeable at night. The breaks are high and the patterns are varied. I used to go to my favorite spot in my magical hometown to watch the big waves late at night but I had to turn the engine on for the heat which drowned out the sound of the waves somewhat -and I was still cold.

Of course, I cannot smell and taste the ocean like this on a web cam and I am not in my real home of years where my soul aches to be in Cambria , but it is great to watch it like television streaming from the warm comforts of home. I ache to be there in person but I take happiness where I can get it and know how lucky I am to see the ocean and be warm and safe.

Winter

Winter is definitely here in South Florida. It has gone down to the 60’s at night. I love it

Old friends

I feel sad but ai think dhecisxsstill stuck in the last while ai move forward?6:, but it’s g

I reached out to my very close former friend of 50 years todsy in an attempt to bring some sort of closure to it. I gave her the option of continuing to cease contact or not l. I have no idea why she is mad at me but thru the years, she abruptly shut off commmubication with me when I was in the fire and cancer. No explanation. I wished her well ( more than she did with me) and said goodbye. I have learned a lesson. Care only for those who care for you

Looking back

When I was going through the intense recovery from the fire, I was shifted to many different depts and facilities. Each with their own rules and staff. I was helpless and mostly in a fog. Yet even afterwards, at the nursing facility, it was a big deal. I relied on everyone. I had no privacy which to me is paramount. I was at the mercy of others’ scheduled to bring me anything. I was alone.

Yet it was okay. I was alive. I made it though including my constant yelling in desperation at times for the unresponsive nurses. I was used to a different life, and had just come from my idyllic life of peace and comfort in Cambria. I survived though

And here I am today, away from all of that including my Tiverton UCLA (much calmer) recovery and follow up surgery. I began to feel better but still helpless.
I am very independent so it remained hard for me.

People talk about all they have been through and I shake my head in respectful amazement. Then I think about my life and I realize that while you are going thru a crisis, you just focus on dealing with that and so on, until it is over.

And all I know is when things get tough, you just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

The Mr. Magoos of South Florida

Wintertime in South Florida:

The Mr. Magoo drivers were out in full force last night on my drive to the ocean. I was simply amazed at their chaotic and dimwitted disregard of the driving rules (and I use the term loosely) here in Florida and their lack of common sense. The screwups are too numerous to even begin to describe here. I now always assume the worst case scenario (which is also dangerous because it is easy to overreact. ).

I still have no idea if and when it is ok to make a right turn on a red light as apparently some police seem to ignore the rule while others enforce it. Drivers just wind up doing what suits them.

The runners up were also in abundance and ranged from reckless motorcycle drivers to pedestrians whose brains are in a fog and whose eyes are on their iPhones instead of the cars coming toward them as they nonchalantly meander across an illegal crosswalk in darkness.

I must be getting better at this because I glide through it all for the most part with just a “stupid” to them from inside my bubble. It’s a wonder I make it home safely.

The Golden Bachelor

I watched the Golden Bachelor for the older group. I think the advertising agencies need to redefine the word “seniors” because the women over 55 ( mostly 60’s) do not fit the image . Either that or this is a make believe version of older women. All I know is that this episode made me I realize that I am going to keep my hair longer because it looked so pretty. The other observation was how poised, healthy looking, steady on their feet in the world and confident the women were. I compared it to Bachelor in Paradise. The women in their 20’s were frightengly giddy, unsure of themselves and threw their scantily clad upper body around . Which group is more real? Neither I guess, but the difference is very noticeable. I think they need a Bachelor show for the 30 and 40 is range but that is the group that found the love they wanted while in their 20’s and before any losses in their 60!s. But also perhaps too anxious to start their lives. Is any age the perfect age for a woman? Each has its own media definition that even I have bought into.

My Birth Certificate

One of the best parts of losing everything is getting back my proof of identity. It was a slow process and getting my birth certificate was one of the happiest days of my recovery. With it, I could buy food and medicine online because I could now apply for a credit card. I could now apply for a drivers license. When I think of how it was , it was overwhelming but now that it is done, I feel great about it.

My Mother’s Gift to me

Sept. 2019

When it is chilly and rainy out like tonight, I think about what my life would be like if I did not have my mother’s home as mine. I would very likely be homeless. I know that sounds fanciful but the reality is that after my surgery. I would no longer be allowed to stay at the Tiverton UCLA hotel. As it was, they tried to evict me as I awaited my breast surgery. Even my surgeons were incredulous at the callousness.

So, afterwards, the fire Marshall would have come to kick me out. Out of money due to medical costs ( once flush with funds and a big saver)and without any kind of settlement from the owners, I had nowhere to go. Thanks to some very kind friends, and a local Cambria journalist who wrote about my plight, I was able to at least have my car transported to my mother’s home.

The night that i walked in from the airport was amazing. I simply put the key in my mother’s door jam and walked inside. No more threat of eviction.

I feel my mother is everywhere and that is the most painful part. But having a home was and is so important to me and I am thankful every day.

My mother gave me my life to me twice. Once at birth. The other at my rebirth. Thanks mommy.